After To Kill A Mockingbird (or, I Refuse to Read Go Set a Watchman)
by avocadogoat
Summary: A post-WWII addition to Harper Lee's classic. I have a lot more to add and can add it if people are interested!
1. Chapter 1

The summer I graduated from the University of Alabama, Jem broke his arm again and was elected to the Alabama legislature for the first time. Naturally, he had also become a lawyer at the bar, and he and Atticus had renamed the office Finch & Son. To celebrate Jem's political victory, we gathered in Maycomb. Jem and Dill and me, Uncle Jack, Miss Maudie and all the other neighbors, and of course, the omnipresent Aunt Alexandra and Cousin Francis, who was out on bail.

That was the first time I'd seen Dill since he'd come back from the war. Naturally, as soon as he'd heard the news of war he'd signed up. He went to war with a spring in his step and a photograph of me in his pocket. He returned four years later, the picture wrinkled and slightly torn, and hasn't smiled since.

During dinner he winced when people spoke too loudly. His eyes were focused only on his plate, and he responded to questions with grunts and nods. I tried to catch his eye.

After all of the guests left, and Atticus and I were reading the paper together, I asked Atticus about Dill. I told him Dill hadn't been the same since returning from the front.

"Scout, you must understand that some wounds are more than skin deep. Although Dill may have not lost an arm or his life, he definitely left a part of him behind in Europe."

I thought about this. Jem had left a part of himself in the courthouse after Tom Robinson was convicted. Atticus had too. So had I. I had even left a part of myself on the stage at the pageant, when my dreams were interrupted by Mrs. Merriweather's screaming "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK." After a few ticks of the clock on the mantel, Atticus looked up.

"Atticus," I said, "wouldn't you say we all leave a bit of ourselves everywhere we go?"

"Certainly, Jean Louise," he said, calling me by the name I go by outside of Maycomb. "But Dill left more than just a bit in France."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks for the reviews! I'm very new to this site so I'm still figuring out how everything works with posting new chapters, reviews, etc, but it makes me happy to know that people are enjoying my writing! Also, someone left a review that they have since deleted about their feelings about Go Set A Watchman, and if they are reading this I just want them to know that the main reason I'm not reading GSAW is because it seemed like Harper Lee wasn't completely on board with its publication, and I'd like to respect that. Enjoy the next chapter!**

That fall, I began work as a secretary in Atlanta. At Atticus' urging, I (somewhat begrudgingly) brought Dill with me, out of the clutches of his Aunt Rachel. "A bit of time fending for himself would do him good," Atticus said.

We lived in a two bedroom apartment with a shared bathroom and a living room/kitchen. Dill spent most of his time in his room. The neighbors didn't know he existed, and wondered what I was doing keeping that second bedroom open. One rainy afternoon in November I came home to find him gone. The pillows on the couch were on the floor and the contents of his bedroom were strewn around the apartment. I picked up the telephone to call the police, but hesitated on the second one. Setting the telephone gently back in its receiver, I put my coat back on and walked three flights to the roof. My shaking hands fumbled with the lock on the door to the outside, fearing the worst.

"DILLLL!" I screamed into the wind, my hair whipping about my face. I found him in five minutes that felt like an eternity, tears mixing with rain and streaming down his face. "Let's go home," I said, taking his hand and leading him to the door.

"Scout," he said once we were on the stairs, his tears slowing down and his voice coming in hiccups, "I can't go out in the sun because the sun has only seen me in a world with them on it. I can't." He leaned against me and eventually collapsed on the couch. I covered him with a blanket and stroked his hair until he fell asleep. That was the longest sentence he had said to me since leaving America in 1942.

I took the next day off and read to Dill. We read Moby Dick and Tom Sawyer. The rain pounded on the windows, and we watched the water droplets race down the window panes. I made Dill's favorite, grilled cheese, for lunch. The next day was Saturday, and we did the same. After lunch on Sunday, Dill looked up from his lap where he had been fiddling with his hands. "Scout," he said, taking a long pause, "Is it gonna rain all day?"

"I think so," I responded, "why?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could go out. For dinner. You were my sweetheart, after all."

I nodded and suggested the Italian restaurant down the street. Four hours later, Dill rose from the couch and retreated to his room. He gently closed the door and I heard him setting the room right again, then his squeaky closet door open. Since we had arrived in Atlanta, Dill had been wearing the same four shirts and two pairs of pants. I took this as my signal that dinner was to be a formal occasion.

I went into my room and tried on every dress I had. None of them seemed quite right for my dinner with the Dill I knew now. Towards the back of my closet I found the one pair of overalls I had brought with me, for reasons I could not have told you at the time. I had long since grown out of the ones I wore during our days haunting Boo Radley, but Jem still got me a pair for Christmas every year.

I pulled them off of their hanger and smoothed out some wrinkles. Paired with a flowered shirt, they were perfect. Since starting work as a secretary, I'd worn a dress every day. Putting on the overalls took me back to happier times and made me feel like myself again.

When I stepped into the living room Dill was sitting on the couch with a half smile on his face wearing clothes that looked as if they had come from the store yesterday. He stood up and took my arm.


	3. Chapter 3

The only thing Dill said during dinner was "like your overalls, Jean Louise." I talked about the people who came into my office, and the summers we had shared when we were young. I began to speak about Boo Radley, and our "strip poker" experience. Suddenly, he looked up.

"Stop, Scout." Dill threw some money on the table and ran from the restaurant. I followed more slowly, offering apologies as I went. When I entered the apartment, the door to his room was closed and I heard heavy sobs. That was the third time I'd heard him cry.

I went to bed early and left for work before Dill woke, as usual. When I returned that afternoon, Dill was in the living room, staring dejectedly out the window, watching raindrops race down the pane again. He heard me come in and looked up.

"Scout," he said, "I'm sorry. I just, I don't know."

"It's alright Dill." I replied.

"Scout," he said, "Let's not talk about Boo for awhile." I understood this more now. Dill had some striking similarities to Boo now that I was thinking about it, and I could tell he was scared he would turn out like Boo, the misfit of the town, ridiculed by all, and the entertainment of children.

He sat with me at the table for dinner, a rare treat. His silverware shook in his hands, but I could tell he was putting on a brave face, even though he'd never liked meatloaf. After dinner, I told Dill I was going out for a bit but would be back soon. He nodded and went back to watching the rain. I took two dimes out of my purse and descended the stairs carrying my umbrella. There was a pay phone down the street that I ran to. I connected to Maycomb and Miss Eula May transferred me to Atticus.

"Hey Atticus," I said once he picked up. There was loud music playing. We'd never had anything to play music before.

"Scooooooouuut! My girl!" he slurred. I heard laughter and someone calling his name. I'd never seen him with a drop of alcohol in my life.

"Atticus!" I said firmly. "Hand the phone to Jem." The music got louder and Jem picked up.

"Scout! Come over right quick! We're having a cRaZy party!"

"Have you lost your mind Jem? Give me Cal!"

"Cal's not here! She's gone home." I hung up, terrified. Everything was going wrong. Atticus? Drinking? I connected to Maycomb again and Miss Eula May put me through to Miss Maudie. Miss Maudie was getting on in years, but she was still sharp as a whip when it came to the goings on of Maycomb.

"Scout, honey I thought you'd never call. Jem's got a new friend who moved here from Mobile that throws a party every night. Even Atticus joins in. We need you here, Scout."

"Miss Maudie," I sobbed, "I called Atticus thinking he could give me some advice. Dill ran out on the roof Thursday night, crying into the rain. I didn't know where he was, the apartment was torn apart," I continued to relay the story up until now.

"Come home Scout. Next week. It's Thanksgiving. I don't care how much it costs. I'll pay, for you and Dill. All I ask is that you come home. Everyone is forgetting what Atticus did way back with Tom Robinson. All they know is new Atticus."

"I'll book train tickets tomorrow. Thank you Miss Maudie."


	4. Chapter 4

When I returned to the apartment, my face stained with tears and rain, Dill said, "Scout I know you were out there on that telephone talking to Aunt Rachel trying to get rid of me. Please don't do it Scout. I know I'm a burden, but I haven't been this happy since I don't know when. Please Scout. Don't send me back to Maycomb."

"Oh Dill," I said. "We're going to Maycomb next week. It's Thanksgiving. And then we'll come back together. Both of us." I knew he could see what I wasn't telling. He stood up and went to bed. I watched him close the door, and then read and cried myself to sleep.

The next week Dill and I woke early and went to the train station. Our tickets were to Maycomb Junction via Montgomery. It had stopped raining earlier in the week, but started again on our day of travel. In the station we heard murmurs of it being the rainiest fall since who knew when. Dill spent the ride to Montgomery watching the Southern countryside fly by. When we arrived in Montgomery, I got off of the train to stretch my legs. It had stopped raining. When I returned, Dill had closed the blinds to block out the sun.

"The sun is back," he said. I opened the sandwiches I had packed that morning. As we sped through Alabama, I wondered what had happened to Atticus. He had always been so against the evils of alcohol, only drinking the occasional shot of whiskey or glass of wine on special occasions. Jem too, until recently, had lived completely by Atticus's example. His new friend must have done something notable to change him so drastically.

Eventually, Dill and I both dozed off. When we arrived at Maycomb Junction, Miss Maudie stood on the platform, waving at us. Atticus slouched on a bench.

"Scout. The sun," Dill said, "What's wrong with Atticus?"

I hadn't thought about what I would do to answer either of these queries. Taking my coat from my arm, I gave it to Dill. He covered his face with it. I may have laughed at something like that from a distance or in the past, but not now, not now that I knew why. I didn't have an answer to his question about Atticus so left it unanswered.

As we descended from the train, Miss Maudie stepped toward us in greeting. Atticus rose with a sigh from the bench and hung back. Eventually, at a sharp jerk of Miss Maudie's head, Atticus came toward us to take our bags. His eyes were bloodshot, and the bags beneath them rivalled the ones I had seen in the windows on the streets of Atlanta. Seeing him like this added another layer of sadness onto the dreary cake I had been creating in the back of my mind.

We walked to the car. Apparently Miss Maudie had learned to drive, and she drove instead of Atticus, who hadn't said a word since I got off the train. Miss Maudie made small talk, about the weather, her xxxx flowers, Miss Stephanie, anything but Dill. Anything but Atticus and Jem. No one mentioned Dill's strange head covering, which he had removed now that we were in the car.

As we pulled onto our street, Dill covered his head again. Miss Maudie slowed down. I looked at the Radley house, remembering my strange meeting with Mr. Arthur, back when everything was different, before we all began to fall apart. My throat closed up, and I felt tears coming on. Miss Maudie pulled into our driveway as I pinched myself to prevent a meltdown.

Dill took his bag and walked towards Miss Rachel's house, my coat hanging cheerlessly off of his head. Atticus carried my bag into the house. I stood with Miss Maudie in the driveway. She patted my arm, and a tear slipped out of the corner of my eye.

"Scout," she said, "Oh Scout." And that was enough. We each went into our separate houses.


	5. Chapter 5

Atticus had left my bag in my room, and was sitting in his usual chair with the newspaper in front of his face. I unpacked and didn't hear him turn the page once. My room looked a little different. I knocked on the door between my room and Jem's. He didn't answer, so I opened it. It was empty. Of Jem and anything Jem-like.

I walked into the living room. "Atticus," I began. "Atticus, what. What is going on? I call you for advice, and you're having a party. Dill isn't Dill. You aren't you. Jem isn't Jem, and I'm not me. Hell, I bet even Boo Radley isn't Boo Radley. Where is Aunt Alexandra?" I'd never thought I'd be saying that one.

"Scout, you are not wrong. We are all always changing. I admit, I have been doing some less than admirable things-"

"Atticus, you've been having parties. In our house. Every day."

"That was by the influence of Jem's friend. I don't address him by name. He pressured Jem into opening the house for him and his friends. Aunt Alexandra decided she was in need of more country air, so moved back to the Landing. That was before everything got started."

"Where is Jem?"

"Well," Atticus started, "His friend was, ah, disgracefully sent from the county. Jem is taking him back to Montgomery, where he found him when he was there for the legislature. That's all we know, he wouldn't tell me more. When he was here, Jem stayed in your room and his friend in Jem's." That's why my room was a little different. Atticus suddenly clutched his side.

"You okay Atticus?"

"Yes yes. Just growing old." I'd forgotten how much Atticus was getting on in years. He'd never told us exactly how old he was, but had to be close to entering his 60s by now. I picked Little Women, an old favorite since I identified with Jo so much, from the shelf, and opened it to a random page. We read until dinner, over which Atticus told me the other news of the town. He drank water. After dinner, he picked up a different newspaper. I went next door to check on Dill.

Miss Rachel answered the door. "Oh Scout," she said, "I thought you'd never come. Dill's been askin' after you, and glory be, your cooking too. He's been talkin' nonstop about how wonderful you are."

"Miss Rachel, maybe we'd better sit on the porch," I replied, gesturing to her porch swing. I lowered my voice once we had settled onto the swing. "You see he's hardly been talkin' to me at all in Atlanta. He says about one sentence a day. One day I came home to see him gone, found him sobbing on the roof in the rain. He said he doesn't like to go out in the sun because the sun hasn't seen him on the earth without 'them,' by which I assume he means the men he was in France with. We went out to dinner once, and I tried to make small talk about the good old days and Boo Radley, and he ran out of the restaurant. I wore my overalls and everything. I think he's scared he's turning into Boo. I don't know how he could have become like his old self again so quickly." I finished close to tears.

"Oh my. I never would've known. We aren't going to let you or Dill go back to Atlanta until we sort this out. Jem's comin' home tomorrow so maybe you three should go do somethin' fun together. Go down to the river or something. It's supposed to be sunny, but I'll try to talk Dill into going outside despite that. Listen Scout, you get some rest. I think you'll find Jem's changed quite a bit since you saw him last summer, and you'll want to be prepared to see him."

"You mean his friend? I've heard all about him. Well, come to think of it, I haven't heard anything about his friend besides the parties and that he was disgracefully sent back to Montgomery. Why'd Jem take him though? Couldn't he have just put him on a train or something?"

"I think you may learn that Jem was a mite bit fonder of his friend than anyone realized at the time," Miss Rachel responded, lifting a knowing eyebrow.

I nodded, mulling over what she had said, understanding very little. When I returned to our house, I picked up Little Women and told Atticus I was going to bed early. In reality, I didn't fall asleep until very late because I was thinking about Jem, Miss Rachel, Dill, Jem again, Atticus, Dill again, Jem and his friend, and for some odd reason, my mother. I wondered what she would have thought and done about all of this.


	6. Chapter 6

Cal made eggs for breakfast the next morning, which I could barely eat. Atticus had already left to pick Jem up from the station. I visited with Miss Maudie until Jem and Atticus returned. As they pulled in the pulled in the drive, I heard Jem say loudly, "it's just who I am, Atticus."

Lunch was an awkward occasion. Jem and Atticus wouldn't look into each other's eyes. I tried and failed at making small talk. After we finished eating, Dill came over, clad in long sleeves, pants, one of Miss Rachel's floppy sunhats and a pair of her sunglasses. His hands were shaking, but he managed to say, "River?" Jem and I understood, and followed him out onto the road to the river.

Soon, lunch was far behind us, and Jem was laughing again. Dill was not. Out of nowhere, he said, "Scout I heard you talking to Aunt Rachel. You can leave me here when you go back to Atlanta. I don't want to be a burden Scout."

"Dill, we talked about this. You are about as far from a burden as you possibly could be." This was a bit of a stretch, but I truly could not imagine life in Atlanta without my silent roommate.

"Are you sure Scout? Remember when we were gonna get married?"

"Of course I do!" He had been mentioning that a lot recently.

"Dill," Jem said suddenly, "I always thought you were pretty swell."

"Jem, I always thought you were a pretty swell friend too. And a future brother-in-law too!" Dill was suddenly back to his old self. Jem looked more downcast than I had ever seen him. I was confused. Was this a proposal?

"Dill, we ain't gettin' married quite yet."

"I know that Scout," he replied, slowly and carefully removing Miss Rachel's sunglasses.

Jem had turned around during this exchange and was on his way home. "I'll just leave you two lovebirds to it then," he said with a catch in his throat. I started to follow after him.

"Aw, don't mind him Scout. He'll be alright soon enough," Dill said, taking my hand. I started to pull my hand away, but eventually realized that it was quite comfortable there. Quite comfortable. I still couldn't understand what Jem was going to be alright from.

Dill's hand began to shake. I wondered if he was going to put Miss Rachel's sunglasses on again. "There's something I've been meaning to," he began, trailing off.

"Something you've been meaning to what?" I asked, squeezing his hand.

"Well I'd… before… young…" he mumbled, his hand shaking more.

"I can't hear you, Dill," I replied, squeezing his hand again.

"Just, never mind. Not today," he said, almost to himself.

"Do you still want to be a circus clown who laughs at folks?"

"Scout really the only thing I want is, no. No. Not today," he responded, the end of his statement almost directed at himself again.

"What _do_ you want, Dill? What would make you like this all the time? This happy? Like you used to be?"

Very quietly, in a voice I was sure I wasn't meant to hear, and could barely hear, I heard him say "you." I pretended not to hear, since I obviously wasn't meant to hear it. "I just like bein' out in the sun again Scout. I'd missed it." I couldn't imagine what Miss Rachel had said that brought him to that conclusion, but didn't argue.

"Should we turn back soon?"

"No, not just yet. I was wondering if, not today. Not now," again, he ended in a whisper. We turned around and began the walk back to Maycomb. When we returned, it was nearing dusk. I invited Dill for dinner. He became happier and happier as the evening went on. When Jem saw Dill and me entering the house, he walked out the back door. I started to go after him, again, but Dill stopped me, "Aw, give him some time Scout. Like you gave me time. I'm better every moment." I sensed a bit of a quiver in his voice at the last sentence, and knew then that he would never truly turn back into his old self.

Jem returned as I was getting ready for bed. I heard him slam his door and begin to sob. I knocked on the door between our rooms. "Go away Scout. I know Dill asked you to marry him. I don't want to hear it. Not today." I had been hearing a lot of "not today" today.

"He didn't. I just want to help you."

"Well you can't help me with Dill on your arm." This was strange. I hadn't ever heard Jem say anything like this before, anything about me and Dill that was negative.

I paused and then replied through the door, "I haven't seen you in months. Tell me about Montgomery," I realized as soon as I said this that it was a grave mistake.

"You already know about my… friend. That's all you need to know. Nothing happened. I only brought him back to visit. Turns out he and I weren't… He wasn't suited for small town life." Since returning to Maycomb, I 'd been hearing nothing but allusions I didn't understand in conversations. I briefly considered the idea that maybe I was losing my hearing and missing out on bits of conversation, but dismissed it almost immediately. That sort of thing didn't happen until you were at least 30. I was only nearing 23.

"Jem I just you want to know that I love you."

"I love you too Scou, and Di…" His final sentence was mumbled and cut off again. Maybe I really was losing my hearing.

"G'night Jem."

"G'night Scout." I turned off the light and went to bed. I thought I heard Jem crying again, but then again, my hearing was probably going downhill. Deaf at 23! I would have to talk to Atticus about it, I thought as I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of my hand in Dill's, and for some reason, quite a few disdainful glances from Jem and some other man I'd never seen before. I was sure it meant nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N This chapter is kind of awkwardly written because I actually wrote all this for a school project...**

When I awoke the next morning, breakfast was the same as the day before. After breakfast Jem and Atticus went to the office for their last day of work before Thanksgiving. It was a Wednesday. Cal went to the store to buy ingredients for her Thanksgiving dinner. We were going to Finch's Landing. Aunt Alexandra promised a dinner better than last year's, which had landed Francis in the back of a police car. Last year was the first year Aunt Alexandra let Cousin Francis and me sit with the rest of the adults, something that Jem said he was never going to let me live down. I was surprised he hadn't mentioned it yet.

I considered going with Cal to the store, but then remembered the feeling of Dill's hand in mine, and elected to stay home. After Cal had gone, I put on my overalls, trying to forget the disaster that I had worn them for the last time. I looked at myself in the mirror. Me. Jean Louise Finch. The most lovely lady I had ever seen, standing in front of me in overalls. Aunt Alexandra had been wrong. You could be a lady in overalls. You could be a lady in anything you wanted to be a lady in, so long as you believed you were a lady. I brought my face closer to the mirror and looked into my eyes. I had never noticed them before. They were the color of maple syrup drizzled on a Sunday morning pancake. They were the color of the chocolate cascading off of the fondue fountain in the store window I passed every day, but better, because my eyes had flecks of pure gold. My eyelashes were longer than I had remembered. Around my eyes, my skin was slightly creased from laughter. I realized I hadn't laughed in awhile.

I backed up a bit from the mirror, examining my freckles, which were like stars in the night sky, each one created with care, together creating a masterpiece. Backing up more, I noticed that my hair was more luscious and multicolored than that of a lad in a magazine, than a meadow full of wildflowers. It came to just below my shoulders, the obviously perfect length for me. I stepped back even further so I could see my whole self. It was then that I realized that I was gorgeous. Not just gorgeous, but drop dead gorgeous. Gorgeous beyond compare. It was then that I became a goddess and began to worship myself, crooked teeth and all.

I stood in front of the mirror admiring myself, not in an egocentric way, but in a way that lifted me, Jean Louise Finch, up on a cloud and sent myself on my ascent to my own Mount Olympus. I'm not sure how long I stood there. It could've been five minutes, it could've been five hours. If anyone knocked on the front door, I didn't hear them. I was absorbed in myself in a way I had never been before, realizing the full extent of the power I held. The power of my mind and the power of my love for myself. I didn't want to hold the power over anyone. I didn't want to share it with anyone, not in a selfish way, but in a "I never do anything for myself" way.

I realized that I had been so caught up in the troubles of others; of Dill, of Atticus, of Jem and his friend, that I had forgotten about myself. I realized that soon the creases around my eyes would turn into creases of worry, and my smile might turn into a permanent frown. My head would begin to hang without my telling it to, even when it was happy. I smiled the biggest, fakest smile I could at myself in the mirror, and let out a guffaw that could have given Aunt Alexandra a heart attack. Then I remembered that I was done caring about what Aunt Alexandra thought about my likeness to her lady friends. I was Scout Finch, and I was a lady, no a queen, of my own realm. I was a goddess with a following of one, but that one person, me, was all that mattered.

I resolved then to go back to being called Scout. I had told everyone in Atlanta that my name was Jean Louise because I was afraid of what they would think of me. That time was over. The only person whose opinion about Scout mattered was Scout.

It was then that I began to hear an incessant knocking on the front door. My heart fluttered. It was probably Dill. Could I love him and myself too? I took one last glance at myself in the mirror. I was stunning, in case I had forgotten. The first real smile I had smiled in months was on my face.

"Miss Jean Louise? I've been here for hours, knockin'. You got another boy in there that you're in love with?" Well, he wasn't wrong. I had been falling in love, not with some boy, but with myself.

"On my way Dill. I 'pologize." I walked to the front door, and when I got there told him I wanted to be called Scout again.

"Well Scout, the only thing I want to call you is my wife."

"Oh!" I nearly shouted in surprise, "Charles Baker Harris, I'd be honored." He was still on the porch on the other side of the screen, and he began to open the door to come towards me and kiss me. It was then that Jem walked down the driveway. I had never been more mad at him.

"Scout I wanted to talk to you about something," he said, avoiding looking at Dill. "But I see I'm interrupting something."

"Yes, Jem, Scout and I…" I gave Dill a look that would have killed the devil to shut him up. He furrowed his eyebrows and said, "were just having a talk. I'm on my way back over to Aunt Rachel's. See ya Scout," he winked, "See ya Jem," he smiled.

As soon as Dill was out of earshot, Jem began speaking very quickly, "Scout-that-was-definitely-a-proposal-and-I-want-you-to-be-happy-but-I've-always-loved-Dill-until-recently-when-I-met-Franklin-and-then-that-didn't-work-out-so-now-I-love-Dill-again-I'm-sorry-Scout-I-can't-not-be-like-this-I'm-sorry-Scout-I'm-sorry-Scout-I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry-I-made-fun-of-you-for-being-a-girl-when-we-were-younger-and-I'm-sorry-I-wasted-your-and-Atticus'-time-with-football-because-I-wanted-to-be-like-the-other-guys-I-didn't-want-them-to-know-I'm-sorry-Scout-I'm-sorry-Scout-I'm-sorry-Scout-I'm-sorry-Scout." About a quarter of the way through this speech, Jem had started to cry, and I'd started to cry too because I didn't know what to do.

"Jem," I began, finally seeing all of the pieces, all of the allusions, coming together and realizing that I wasn't losing my hearing and I wasn't losing my brother, I was just idiotic. "Jem," I began again, "I've always looked up to you and I've always loved you and I will always love you and this doesn't change that because you're still the Jem I've always known and being yourself is nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who should be sorry for not picking up on the hints and I'm sorry it has to be this way with Dill I'm sorry Jem I'm sorry Jem I'm sorry." By now, both of our faces were streaked with tears.

"I love you Scout. Atticus thinks I just haven't found the right girl yet but that's not what it is."

"Well you haven't found the right girl yet," I replied with a gasp from Jem, "no, you haven't. You never will. And that's okay. You don't need to find the right girl. You need to," despite all this, I couldn't say it. Jem understood.

"Thank you Scout," he said, wiping his tears on his shirt. "I'm goin' up in the treehouse for a bit. You and Dill are good for each other, I guess. I hope you have lots of children because I'm never going to."

"Jem, you will be the most wonderful Uncle. I love you."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N This one's extra short because suspense and stuff**

Jem spent the rest of the day in the treehouse. When Atticus came home, I confronted him. "Atticus, Jem's not gonna change, so you'd better."

"Don't you read the bible Scout? He's going to hell. My son." I had noticed Atticus becoming more like Aunt Alexandra every day. I stomped off, and heard Atticus sigh. When I left my room to brush my teeth that night, I saw him reading not the newspaper, but the bible. I couldn't believe it. We went to church but we never read the bible at home.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning Jem and I woke at the same time. We went to the dining room without a word. Atticus was still sleeping. We would be leaving for Finch's landing and Thanksgiving dinner soon. On the table there was a piece of paper with "Leviticus 18:22" written on it in Atticus's handwriting next to a bible. I looked at Jem. Jem looked at me. He nodded his head towards the bible, "Miss Jean Louise," he said.

"I'm Scout again," I replied, picking up the bible. I hadn't actually touched one of these since I was last in Maycomb. I was starting to doubt in the higher power. Nonetheless, I flicked through the pages until I came to Leviticus 18:22.

"Thou shalt not lie with man…" I slammed the book shut and flung it across the room.

"Don't read it Jem. Don't read it Jem."

Atticus came in as the book hit the china cabinet, shattering the glass door. "What is going on down here? Scout you always had a temper, but to break your mother's china cabinet?" He examined the missile it had been broken with, "With a bible of all things? Abominable, Jean Louise."

"No less abominable than anything you've said to Jem these past few days. And it's Scout again."

"I thought you would side with Jem."

"I don't believe in god." I said suddenly, speaking what was on my mind.

"The fool says in his heart, 'There is no god.' They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good. Psalm 14:1" Atticus replied, removing our bible from the pile of broken glass and holding it out towards me, "Have you been reading at all Scout?"

I slapped the bible out of his hand. "Atticus, what the _hell_ has gotten into you." I picked up the bible and opened it to a random page. "Look Atticus, I'm reading!"

"1 John 3:15: Everyone who hates his brother [or son] is a murderer; and you know that no murdered has eternal life abiding in him."

"How dare you. Incorrigible. I'd have thought you would have learned something in my years of gentle nurturing of you, and that something might have been to respect your elders." Suddenly, Atticus grabbed at his head with his left hand and screamed out in pain. The right side of his body began to droop. Instinctually, Jem ran for the telephone.

"DOCTOR! NOW!" He screamed, tears cascading down his face, again. He threw the phone back in the receiver and rushed to Atticus's side. "Atticus I love you it's okay I love you Atticus I just want you to live and love me.

I hadn't realized how grave the danger Atticus was in until Jem said he wanted him to live. "Atticus I didn't mean any of it I love you I love you please stay with us don't leave we need you."

"Scout, Jem, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. I've been a terrible father."

"No," Jem and I replied in unison. At that moment, Dr. Reynolds burst into the house.

"In the dining room," I called, panicked again.

Dr. Reynolds dashed into the and immediately set to work examining Atticus. After a couple of moments that felt like hours, he said, "My best guess is a stroke. He has a chance of surviving but he'll never be the same." Jem and I both let out our breath in a whoosh of relief. "Let's move him to his bed. Make sure he gets some rest and drinks plenty of water." Together, Jem, Dr. Reynolds, and I carried Atticus to his bed.

I called Aunt Alexandra to let her know what had happened and that we wouldn't be able to make it to her house for dinner. She sounded relieved. I wondered if she knew about Jem and if she did what she thought. Well, I didn't have to wonder what she thought; I knew. She and the ladies she used to have for tea talked often about the Perils of Homosexuality. I pushed that thought out of my mind and went back to thinking about Atticus. After his brush with death during the middle of an argument I was sure he would feel differently about Jem. I could hear Jem talking to Atticus, although he was still kind of out of it. I decided to leave them to it and go find Dill. I hadn't seen him since our near-kiss after his proposal.

As I was walking towards Miss Rachel's house, I heard a "pssst" from our tree house. "Scout!" Dill whispered. "I'm up here!" I climbed the ladder, glad I had worn my overalls instead of one of my dresses. When I emerged from the trap door in the floor of the tree house, Dill was leaned up in the corner wearing a suit.

"Charles Baker Harris!" I exclaimed, "I didn't know this was a formal occasion!"

"I thought I should dress up to, you know, plan the wedding. I was thinkin' this Saturday. We've waited so long."

"Dill…" I began, "Atticus's had a stroke. Doctor Reynolds thinks he's going to recover, but not in time for Saturday." I sighed. I knew I loved Dill, but now was really not the time for a wedding.

"Scout how about next Saturday then? It'll give Atticus something to recover for!"

"I don't even have a dress!" I knew Aunt Alexandra would have to be invited, and she would have a heart attack if I didn't wear the fanciest dress there was to be had. But then, I looked and felt stunning in my  
"Overalls! Wear your overalls!" Dill interrupted my thoughts with… my thoughts.

"Dill, we were meant for eachother." We kissed and all thoughts of Aunt Alexandra vanished.

"Next Saturday?" Dill finally said, leaning back against the wall of the treehouse, his eyes shining as they hadn't in months, or ever.

My mouth twitched, considering my options. Of course I wanted to get married as soon as possible, but I also wanted Atticus to attend.

"Scout please."

I sighed, realizing I didn't really have any options, and nodded. "I'd better go check on Atticus."

Dill looked a little disappointed, but said, "You know where to find me."


	10. Chapter 10

I entered the house quietly, guiltily wanting to catch some of Jem and Atticus' conversation. All I heard was "Jem I don't remember what I said but it sounds like I said some pretty terrible things. Whatever it was doesn't matter now. I love you no matter what Jem, and if God says otherwise I don't need God."

I chose that moment to knock on the door to Atticus' room. "What are y'all doing next Saturday?"

"I couldn't tell you if I knew. I don't remember," Atticus said, confused. "Who are you?"

"Atticus she's your daughter, Jean Louise."  
"Scout." I said.

"Sorry Scout. I don't think I have anything planned. Is this what I think it is?" Jem replied, trying to be optimistic.

"Yes. Atticus, I'm getting married next Saturday."

"I'll try to remember. Who are you marrying?"

"Dill, of course."

Jem looked up from the floor suddenly. "Dress," he said, "Montgomery. I know the place. Let's go tomorrow."

I didn't want to tell Jem that Dill wanted me to wear my overalls, and thought it would be nice to go to Montgomery with him. "Who will stay with Atticus?"

"Isn't there someone called Calpurnia?" Atticus asked.

"Perfect! We'll leave as soon as she gets here tomorrow morning." I replied.

"I'll call a hotel and get us a room." Jem said, getting up. Maybe I would get a dress. I could surprise Dill. Either way I'd have a nice day and a half with Jem.

"It's settled then," Atticus said, "Scout! Is that you? Could you hand me the paper?" Atticus's loss of memory was worrying me a bit, but Doctor Reynolds had said it would happen. At least he still remembered that he liked reading the paper.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N apologies for heavily stereotyped characters**

The next morning, Jem and I left for the train station after seeing that Calpurnia would care for Atticus. When we arrived in Montgomery, Jem maneuvered me through the city until we came to one of the more posh shopping districts. There were hordes of people. Jem groaned. "I'd forgotten that Franklin said the day after Thanksgiving was a big sale day. We'll have to tough it out." I hoped Jem hadn't been so eager to come to Montgomery so he could see his friend, who I'd forgotten was called Franklin, again.

That morning I tried on what must have been fifty dresses. I couldn't lie, I looked great in all of them (I looked good in everything in my eyes now), but none of them felt quite right. We got sandwiches and milkshakes at a diner, and spent the afternoon window shopping. Jem never complained once, and kept running into people he knew.

Our dinner in the hotel restaurant was interrupted by someone from the front desk scampering up to our table, "Miss Jean Louise Finch?" he said, "Sorry to bother you ma'am and Mr. Finch, but there's an Atticus Finch on the line, says it's urgent?" I wondered two things at once, first, if Atticus was all right and how he had gotten to the telephone, and second, that the hotel people probably thought Jem and I were husband and wife, not brother and sister. I pushed in my chair and followed the boy to the front desk. I was handed a phone.

"Scout!" Atticus said, sounding excited, "I just remembered. You didn't need to go to Montgomery! Your mother's wedding dress is here. In our house. She wanted you to wear it!"

"Atticus!" I said, a tear leaking out of my right eye. "You're remembering things. You're out of bed!"

"Of course I am! I'm doing much better."

I heard Cal say in the background, "Mr. Finch no you ain't. Your side can't even hold itself up. I had to bring a chair over here to the telephone for you to sit on and help you walk here too."

Atticus said over her, "Now you kids don't have too much fun out in the big city. I'll see you tomorrow." I heard him set the receiver down and I did the same. I walked back to Jem with a spring in my step. He was talking to a black man with an accent I had only heard in movies-a British accent.

"This must be your wife!" The man said, seemingly putting on a show of excitement, although I must have been imagining it.

"Oh no no no no," Jem said, adding on an extra no for some reason, "This is my sister, er, Jean Louise."

"Then I am _absolutely_ charmed to make your acquaintance Jean Louise! _I_ am Clarence! I come from across the pond, if it wasn't already clear!" He shook my hand vigorously for about a minute and a half, Jem laughing a little louder than usual across the table.

"Why don't you join us, Clarence?" I said, my hand weak. Jem kicked me under the table which I took to be a sign of approval.

After a dinner _full_ of exclamation points, I told Clarence and Jem that I was heading to bed. I heard Clarence tell Jem that he knew "the _absolute_ best place to get drinks on a Friday night!" Jem didn't return until very late, and we left very early the next morning.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N hahahaa sorry I forgot to publish for like a month woohoo! THis is the second to last chapter! The enxt one will probably be up in liek two hours woohoo**

One week later, I was dressed in my mother's wedding dress. It was made of lace, fit me perfectly, and felt just right. Dill was going to be wearing a suit, but I hadn't seen him yet that day, since Aunt Rachel was a very close follower of tradition. Atticus had been doing better all week, but was still not strong enough to walk, so I was going to push him down the aisle instead of him leading me.

When the clock chimed 11:00, the doors to our church swung open and the organ began to sing out "here comes the bride." I carried a bouquet of Miss Maudie's best. What I didn't know until I walked in the church was that Miss Maudie had also cut enough flowers from her yard to decorate the entire church like it was springtime, even though it was the beginning of November. I looked at all of the faces that were turned around to watch me (including Clarence, stationed next to Jem I noticed), and as happy as a bride on her wedding day, which is what I was. Dill stood at the end of the aisle, the smile on his face more radiant than any I had ever seen him wear, since after the war or before.

Eventually, we said "I do," and ran out of the church and all the way back to our street, giggling all the way. Our guests followed us, walking, and congratulated us as they came. Jem came with Clarence and gave Dill a firm handshake and big, brave smile. Jem gave me a hug and told me he'd never been happier for me. I could tell he meant it.

We cut Calpurnia's gorgeous cake and then everyone played lawn games until dusk, when Dill and I got in the back of Atticus's car and Jem and Clarence drove us back to the station so we could return to Atlanta.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N helllo thanks for sticking with me through this Journey :) I hope you enjoyed this and will read other stories I write in the future :)**

One month later, after an unremarkable Maycomb Christmas except for the absence of Cousin Francis (jail again), and the presence of Dill and Clarence, Dill was back to his sad self and Atticus was on the decline. I found out I was pregnant on January 15th, and not even that news could cheer Dill up. I called Jem. He and Clarence were ecstatic. Atticus couldn't remember who I was.

I was back at my secretary job, but missing a lot of work to stay with Dill. He had started school, but stopped a couple of weeks in because it became too much. I found myself spending more of the work week at home taking care of Dill than actually at work. At first, the idea of our baby on the way had excited me. Now, I thought of it with dread. I spent so much time caring for Dill that I didn't know how I would have time to take care of another person too.

I began to think about something a girl I knew in Atlanta had done when she became pregnant illegitimately. I knew my pregnancy was completely legitimate, but I didn't know if it was in anyone's best interest for me to carry it out. She'd had to keep it very quiet, since it was technically illegal, what she had done. I think it was called absolution. No, something else. Abortion.

I talked to her about it the next time I saw her, and she wrote down the name of the place she'd had it done.

Without telling anyone, I went there the next day. It hurt. I cried. Because of the pain. Because I was losing the baby. I still paid them what was due. I went home. I cried. I regretted it.

Aunt Alexandra called the next day to see how I was doing and to tell me Atticus's memory was going fast and hopefully he'd make it to see his first grandchild. I cried. She asked me if I had lost the baby. I told her that I kind of had. She said that a lot of women have miscarriages. I told her it wasn't like that. She said, "Jean Louise Finch Harris you did not." I told her I did. I cried. She told me I was going to hell. I told her that I'd see her there and hung up. At this rate my entire family would be having a reunion in hell.

Jem called the day after to tell me he and Clarence understood and Atticus would have too but he didn't remember much these days.

The following day I packed Dill and myself up for good. We were both happier in Maycomb. We stayed at Miss Maudie's for a couple weeks until we found a place we could rent downtown. No one in Maycomb asked about the baby. They must have known. I was surprised I hadn't been arrested yet.

Dill didn't know not to ask. He did. I told him and cried. He told me it was his fault and he would get better. Eventually, he did. Atticus got worse and worse. He didn't remember anything and stayed in bed all the time. I started to stop regretting ending my pregnancy and as Dill got better thought about trying again.

Atticus died that summer. The whole town and more came to the funeral. Jem and I couldn't comprehend what life would be like without him, even though he hadn't been fully there in the last few months. We each found the other in his room, looking at his things constantly, and wondering, "Why?" One day we both looked at each other and said in unison, "We're orphans now," and cried. We eventually found closure, and Jem wore Atticus's watch everywhere.

Jem and Clarence moved to Montgomery in late September. Clarence was a radio announcer and Jem was still a lawyer. Dill and I moved into our old house. Dill was happy again, and said he would stay that way. I spent a lot of time talking with Miss Maudie about life. She was getting old and said she wanted to give me all the advice she could while she was still on this earth. She told me I would make a good mother. I gave birth to twins on July 31st the next year. One boy, one girl. We named one Atticus Arnold Harris-Finch (AA for short) and the other Adelaide Abigail Harris-Finch (she went by Scout Junior and wore overalls). They call me Scout and Dill Dill. Dill's been smiling since they were born and looks like he'll never stop.

 **A/N Yeah, I agree with you. It is a really abrupt ending. As I said in another note, I wrote this for school like six months ago, and ran out of time before the due date to tie up the ends very cleanly. Since it was so long ago, I don't think it's likely that I'll be changing anything or adding anything on. Also, looking back, Scout was probably the gay one, not Jem, but oh well. That's a different story for a different day ;) Also honestly what the heck was I thinking when I wrote this? None of it adds up? I feel like I tried a little too hard to include specific things, but I had a lot of fun writing it way back in the Spring of 2016, so... Also I'll probably write some more fanfiction at some point... Maybe Harry Potter, but I feel like most of those stories have been told already. I also have been browsing in the fairy tale section and i feel like all of those are super original... so maybe I'll write some fairy tale crossovers. I really don't know.**


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